Month: May 2017

ok but why stop at just sculpted cannons why not grab a balrog when the barrels get too hot and fill their mouth with cannonballs and powder imagine how terrifying it would be to see sauron going OKAY GOTHMOG TURN HALF A DEGREE TO THE LEFT AND SPIT AS HARD AS YOU CAN or a dragon. improvise a dragon cannon.

Frankly I think the effect would be more comical than anything else… 

“Spitting” is imprecise and lacks the necessary propulsion, to say nothing of the fact that I can make a dozen cannons for every Balrog in Angband, who might otherwise be occupied. 

And I wouldn’t risk my Master’s children accidentally choking on the ammunition.

(Now, I don’t want you to think we discourage employee input here in Angband, but let’s leave artillery to the experts hm? There’s a good Uruk. Run along back to your watchtower.)

Sauron, what was up with Numenor and the whole human sacrifice religion to Melkor? You have to admit, that’s a bit extreme, even for you. Did you have a bad century or something?

You must be laboring under heavy delusions if you believe pricking fingers and putting to death the odd criminal and captured foe, destined already for execution, are more extreme than the duties I held in Angband; even more so if you believe Men had not been finding gods and seasons to sacrifice their brethren to long ere I came amongst them. They spun the threads, I merely wove between them. 

The glut of sacrifices in Numenor was unprecedented; it became a frenzied superstition, men bled and burned to appease the elements and put off the specter of death, and to wipe out political opposition.

 I fanned the flames of this practice in the West as I never did in the East. The reason ought to be clear to anyone who knows my purposes: the Edain are and will always be my enemy. Helping them engineer their own demise was my intent from the very beginning. 

And yes. I’d recently had a very, very bad century.

misbehavingmaiar:

Rohan: I don’t understand why these Dunlanders are still so spiteful towards us after Gondor gave us all the useful, fertile lands, resources, and aid hundreds of years ago, I mean get over it already! They’re so unreasonable and petty for holding a grudge so long. 

Me, reaching through time to shake the professor by the lapels: 

J.R.R. ROLKIEN TOLKIEN, GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT HOW COLONIALISM WORKS

Also Me, Every Time A Character Glows With The Divine Right To Rule: *unholy shrieking* 

Rohan: I don’t understand why these Dunlanders are still so spiteful towards us after Gondor gave us all the useful, fertile lands, resources, and aid hundreds of years ago, I mean get over it already! They’re so unreasonable and petty for holding a grudge so long. 

Me, reaching through time to shake the professor by the lapels: 

J.R.R. ROLKIEN TOLKIEN, GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT HOW COLONIALISM WORKS

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