Month: August 2018

ruingaraf:

prokopetz:

timelordnomad:

captainlordauditor:

prokopetz:

weaponizedplacebo:

prokopetz:

The true lesson of Homestuck is that if you want your alien OCs to become popular, provide one (1) suggestively bizarre detail about their reproductive biology and adamantly refuse to elaborate.

and the lord of the rings. tolkien invented whole languages and cultures and mythologies and histories, and the staggering enormity of the worldbuilding tolkein accomplished is only ever hinted at in the actual corpus of the lord of the rings, but he never wrote down the elf words for cock and balls

Amusingly, that’s only half right. While Tolkien never wrote down the elvish words for “testicles”, he did come up with elvish words for “penis”. The terms appear only in his early lexicons and are not repeated later, so they’re not guaranteed to be compatible with the versions of elvish that actually made it into the books, but the words do exist.

It’d be puntl in Quenya and gwib in proto-Sindarin, incidentally.

elves don’t have testicles

This actually brings up an interesting point. Humans only have testicles because our body temperature is too hot to allow sperm to live inside the body. So if elves have a lower body temperature, which it is slightly suggested as they don’t feel the cold the way men do, it’s entirely possible that elves, in fact, do not have testicles, cause they don’t need them.

Hey, we’re back on topic.

okay but how does this relate to human-elf hybrid children? were elrond and elros’ balls both underdeveloped and close to their bodies until elrond chose to live as an elf and elros as a man, at which point elros’ sack grew three times its size and elrond’s balls instantly shrunk and retracted completely into his body, because that’s obviously how the valar use their godly powers? or did any changes in balls apply only to their offspring?

followup, do numenorians have very small balls that are held close to their body? do their male offspring’s balls remain small unless they marry outside the numenorian bloodline, in which case they move back towards a more average size and distance from the body with each generation?

finally, does this mean that aragorn ii elessar, son of arathorn, heir of isuldor, chief of the dunadan and lord of gondor has distinctly smaller than average balls

🙂