October 2017 – Page 4 – MisbehavingMaiar: Tumblr Archive

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“IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR THÛ DURING PRIDE MONTH – Would you consider…”

I JUST NOW REALIZED THIS SEVERAL MONTHS LATER – BUT ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT HE’S A BEAR IN A MODERN!AU WES!? IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!?

Oh man oh man, buckle up children it’s time for a guide to American gay and leather terminology, with a bit of history, here we go:

*the following discussion is safe for work, but deals with sexual subject matter.

SO: you hear me say “bear” and “bara” a lot as a short hand for big hairy dudes. This is fairly lazy of me, actually; “bara” has it’s own specific origins in Japanese gay culture and it’s been sort of misappropriated by Western online communities– it’s moderately controversial, I’ve seen some people say it’s fine, other people say it should be used with caution… I’ve been trying to move away from using it just because I’m not sure where that line is drawn, so my go-to word for Big Hairy Dudes has been “bear”.

BUT: While “Bear” is a great word and describes a type of dude I am interested in, it’s not 100% accurate for my Sauron! :’D He is a big hairy dude! But he just ain’t friend-shaped enough to be described as a “classic bear”, imho.

As a little background: “Bear”, in American gay lingo, describes a body type. It refers to a kind of big, muscular and/or fat gay man who is hairy– the muscle is optional, the hair is not. Once you get passed a certain muscular threshold, you begin to move out of the “bear” category and into something else. (I’ve heard “wolf” used for leaner, muscular hairy guys, and also “otter” to refer to really tall, lean, SUPER hairy guys– but I wouldn’t say these are really in the true canon of the lingo.)

Bears are friend-shaped. Bears are lumberjack-y. They aren’t gym-rats, they don’t have washboard abs or super defined deltoids or whatever.

Like, THIS is a classic bear:

…Good ol’ Brian. I’m sorry the game didn’t let me climb you like a tree.

In adjacent body types we also have:

Cubs! Round and furry like bears, but usually a bit younger (as the name would suggest) and I think mostly identifying as bottoms?
Chubs! Hairiness optional, but thickness mandatory! Big zaftig gay fellas who are round and loving it. Dudes who are looking specifically for chubby dudes as partners are sometimes called Chub-chasers.

ANYWAY–

Admirable-mun, you mention the tags in that bear post:

#I’d say he’s somewhere in between? #he’s not as quite chill or friend-shaped as the bears I’ve met #unless we’re going human!AU modernverse #whatever he is he’s definitely Leather

My explanation here is that I have a couple different Modern!AU versions of my Sauron, and there is in fact one verse where he ends up mortal and aging, and as he gets older and relaxes a bit, he gets a bit of a tummy going on; so in THAT verse, yes, I’d say he qualifies as a bear. 🙂

But for almost all Modern!AUs, he’s less of a Bear, but he’s definitely a Leather top. Possibly even a Leather Sir, because I mean… it’s Thû, right? He’s a traditionalist and he’s into that kinky protocol. But then again he’s absolutely a switch, so maybe not full Sir. Definitely he’d be into that leather-care and service bottoming, but he’s mostly a top, with a shiny, well-organized collection of toys and floggers and probably owns his own dungeon and holds community meet-ups… He’ll be rich as hell so he’s got tons of fancy equipment but he’s also very careful to keep his private life and professional life separate because he’s got a very high-profile job. Depending on what decade I imagine the AU taking place in, he may be very much in the closet about being gay and CERTAINLY not open about his nightlife. He’s all about strict rules and keeping things safe and neat and clean, whereas ‘Kor is a crazy motherfucker who plays on the edge, is a loud and vocal queer activist, has a criminal record and possibly a death wish, and is up for some heavy. duty. messed. up. shit. And Thû loves them so, so much but damn if they ain’t a liability and a threat to themselves and others. This probably all happens in San Francisco, probably in the 80′s… it depends on the AU and whether I go the East-German Refugee Rockstar rout for Kor, or the Extreme Activist And Performance Artist Kor. All of my Modern!AU stuff is kind of nebulous right now, but I think it will still play a part in my finished WesleyVerse headcanons.

BUT WESLEY, WHAT DOES ALL THAT MEAN??

*deep breath* let’s start with:

–My qualifications: I have lived with, played with, and dated folks in the Leather Community. I’ve marched with the Leather contingent in the Seattle Pride Parade once, maybe twice now. I’ve been involved with kink/BDSM communities since just before college and kink/BDSM and leather have almost always been adjacent to each other (except maybe at the very advent of Leather when it was more a macho, motorcycle/military oriented thing for gay men who were pushing back against effeminate stereotypes).

–Caveat: I’m a queer nonbinary AFAB person and my involvement has always been pretty peripheral. Also, I’m under 30, so that puts me in an age bracket WELL below even the youngest members of original leather communities. I was most active in Portland and Seattle areas, but the heart and soul of Leather lives in San Francisco. So, keep that in mind.

…Also it’s been a hot minute since I did anything with this community or any other community or got out of the house in general because I’m a big gay bipolar mess. ALL THIS SHIT MIGHT BE DIFFERENT NOW, IDK.

Leather is a lifestyle, aesthetic, and sexual preference. Bear is a body type. If you’re a Leather Bear, it means you’re big hairy gay dude who’s into leather and probably BDSM. Easy!

Like these fellas attending Folsom East. (Folsom is the big big famous leather street fair in San Francisco, so I’m assuming Folsom East is a similar festival taking place on the East Coast).

source x

But lots of Leathermen aren’t bears! Some are more muscular and into bodybuilding, or into shaving their body hair. Others like the body hair but keep their physique trim! The important part is the leather, not the body type, but there is still an associated “look” for your traditional Leatherman.

We are now entering Tom of Finland territory:

As far as I know, Leather Culture is considered to fall under the BDSM umbrella, though there are probably those who are only into the aesthetic and/or motorcycle-oriented part of it. Leather isn’t strictly gay anymore, but it definitely DEFINITELY started with gay men. There’s also a long, strong tradition of Leatherdykes and BOIs (don’t fuckin’ come for me with ~it’s a slur~ discourse; “dyke” is how they refer to themselves and have since the original clubs in SanFran, respect your elders.) There are regional competitions for Mr. and Mrs. Leather that happen periodically across the USA (I know one or two former Mr/Mrs Leathers). It’s a big community on the West Coast (obviously, we have San Francisco), as well as the East Coast but I’m less familiar with those guys.

There is a pretty big divide between Old Guard Leather and new, next-generation leather. Old Guard Leathermen are where you’re most likely to find men identifying as “Sirs”, and wear “caps” or “covers” and take their protocol VERY seriously; there’s a tradition of being a Boy (usually submissive or subordinate) until you “earn” your way to being a top, there’s specific codes you follow for how much and what kind of leather you’re allowed to wear depending on your standing, how to refer to each other– it’s all very military. (This is not so much my wheelhouse, I would refer to a better source than me if you’re interested in this topic).

Leathermen tops who don’t take the protocol as seriously are sometimes referred to as Leather Daddies. (Leather Daddies are more likely to be Bears! But not necessarily!) This distinction is a little blurry? As far as I understand it, “Daddies” are tops and usually doms but sometimes switches and they are just a little less into strict hierarchies and formalities.

“Next Gen” leather is more relaxed about protocol and has a reputation for being more inclusive and genderqueer-friendly, less about strict role adhesion and performance… it’s all a bit up for debate. The thing you have to remember is that a lot of the Old Guard and original Leather communities lived through the AIDs epidemic– there’s a big difference in attitude between people who survived being sexually active gay adults in the 80′s and those of us who came to the scene well after that.

Also, hey! There are books on this stuff, so you don’t have to take my word for it! 😀 *Reading Rainbow theme plays* Check out Larry Townsend’s The Leatherman’s Handbook, I think that’s considered the definitive tome on the subject of Gay Leather? I haven’t read it myself but it is referenced literally. everywhere.

You should also look up Pat Califia, who’s like the core of leatherdyke and butch/femme BDSM culture and wrote extensively on the topic– he’s also a bisexual trans man and his erotic fiction is just about the hottest thing you’ll ever read, HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

There are more subdivisions of gay Leather/BDSM! This can get very, very granular and maybe not universally recognized! But some include:

Bootblacks! Bootblacks are a very specific type of leather bottom that deal with, you guessed it, boots! Boots and leather care are a big part of service in the Leather community, and it can be more or less a sexual thing. (If you’ve never had your boots blacked and shined by a service bottom, let me tell you, even if that’s not Your Thing, it’s a very sensual experience). Bootblacks can be men or women or NB and they kind of have their own little community that’s known for being a little feisty and eccentric* (*additional sources needed).
Leather Boys/BOIs! They are service-oriented bottoms and/or submissives in the leather community!
“Pigs”! These guys are even MORE friend-shaped than the average bear! Pigs tend to be big ol’ dudes with a raunchy streak who are into more relaxed BDSM and like to get reaaaaaallllll kinky. Particularly into fluids.
“Pups” are generally younger dudes in the kink scene, like Leather Boys, but who are into puppy play! There’s usually a truck full of these happy fellas in the Pride Parade each year and they all have little tail-plugs in! It’s adorable!
And “Ponies”! Into BDSM pony play! They look fucking awesome I love the boots! You see these intrepid kinksters in full pony gear pulling carts and it’s super impressive!

Also, a part of queer culture that seems to be mostly out of style nowadays in the age of grindr and fetlife, but you still encounter in some kinky circles: Flagging! The Hanky Code!

“Flagging” was a way to signal to other queers what your kinks were. The color of the handkerchief signaled what your kink was, and whether it was in your left (top/dom/likes to do) or right (bottom/sub/likes to receive) pocket told people if you were a top or bottom. (There were other ways of flagging with a bandanna too). This could get about as complicated, creative, and subjective as Victorian Flower Language, but there were a bunch that were pretty universally recognized– like black for S&M, red for fisting, yellow for watersports, etc. Which side of your pants you wear your keys on is still a thing I think? Anyway, the left/right thing is still a coded signal in a lot of kink spaces.