Holly Berries in Vase, Fabergé, St. Petersburg, circa 1890. In a tapering rock-crystal
vase, with a realistically gold cast and chased stem from which emanate
carved nephrite leaves and enamel holly berries, marked on stem.
shoutout to the time where sauron canonically said that fucking wraiths is not as fun as it seems
Excuse me, but
WAT
1: this is quite plausible of him and I am not doubting your word
2: source?
I think OP means this gem from the Lay of Leithian (Recommenced), in the ‘Of Gorlim the Unhappy’ canto:
‘Thou fool: a phantom thou didst see that I, I Sauron, made to snare thy lovesick wits. Naught else was there. Cold ‘tis with Sauron’s wraiths to wed! Thy Eilinel! She is long since dead… ’
the exclamation point is canon, too. bless this giddy demon.
Haha yep that’s it! I planned to include the follow-up tonight when my internet is workable, but yeah that’s the quote.
Background on it: Gorlim wants to be with his wife since he hasn’t seen her in forever due to her being taken captive or something? Something along those lines, I’m a little fuzzy and don’t have my book right now.
In the Silm version, I think it’s just an apparition or a trick of the mind but here it’s a physical wraith being taking the FORM of his wife.
Keep in mind that “wed” in context here means “have sex with” since elven/1st age/traditional definition of marrying someone was that it’s official once the couple bangs.
So my favorite part here is the IMPLICATIONS
Sauron assumes that the first thing Gorlim will do upon reuniting with his wife is fuck her. Not talk to her or confirm its her or anything, just straight up pants off dick out first step. I just. Sauron really. Is that how you greet people? I mean to be fair the first thing he did when he captured Finrod’s squad was to have them strip. And old-version Melkor has sex with soooo many creatures. So this. Isn’t unlikely. BUT I DIGRESS.
It’s interesting that the wraiths are cold. Sauron, balrogs, dragons…most of the key demon type beings are fire-based.
The way he states with such certainty and insistence that sex with wraiths freeze ya dick is just….I think he’s serious. This isn’t even a metaphor or figure of speech. He’s literally just taunting gorlim that mistakenly engaging in intimacy with this wraith would be less pleasant than he would have imagined.
Can I go back to cold part???? Like excuse me but if I’m a fire demon you bet I’d LOVE some nice cooling popsicle dick or ice pussy. I am 100% sure Sauron and crew regularly had sex with these wraiths. Melkor had sex with everything that moved. This is an Angband tradition. Especailly good for a hot summer day,
The wraiths can EFFECTIVELY take the form of ANYONE- living or dead. Do you. Do you know the possibilities of this. Ever wanted to bang random middle earth celebrity? Just have a wraith copy them. Every weird fantasy Melkor ever wanted (Feanor? Luthien? anyone) could easily be done, the only lack of realism probably being the lack of heat and elf-like reactions/emotions. Even in a non-sexual context, these wraiths can easily be used to trick people. Do you know what good torture this is. You can easily trick Maedhros into thinking that they captured Fingon. You can manipulate people so bad with this, like they did with Gorlim.
The ring-wraiths do not have this ability of shape shifting. Maiar and part maiar are really the only ones who can truelly shapeshift. This means these wraiths arent just lame humans, they are a group of maiar, under the direction of Sauron, whose one goal in life is to fuck around and fuck shit up via trickery. Honestly THE FIC POTENTIAL HERE.
do u see why this is a very important passage
This is So Cool (see what I did there? See? See?)
Wraiths are the REAL ice ice baby
My wife is returned to me Wraiths: cold Wife: an impostor Dick: out
not all elves. you’re right annatar would never do this
YES HE WOULD
OH HE WOULD THO
Will we ever know the mastermind behind @gorlim? no. no it’s better this way. they’re a beautiful mystery like @Dril. Maybe we’ve finally found Colbert’s tumblr. Let’s savor this precious Chanukah miracle they’ve given us.
ALSO THAT WAS MY RING. THE RING FOR ME. I DON’T NEED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MYSELF I’ve a perfectly adequate and healthy amount of self respect that does not at all need augmenting thank you very much.
Now hold on. Let’s not be hasty. You’re about to be a twice-married man, you can’t just leave Celebrimbor at the altar like that. Give the wraith his wring! …Ring! Wraith-ring! LiKe We Discussed!
You know, was Sauon really even in the wrong for using me to destroy Barahir’s group? We’d been assaulting his orcs for years, it’s a perfectly reasonable response from him. He even spared Beren. Completely spared, too, he wasn’t even touched. So what’s the problem there?
Such a nice young man. Reasonable, handsome, good manners. *chef-kiss*
Now hold on. Let’s not be hasty. You’re about to be a twice-married man, you can’t just leave Celebrimbor at the altar like that. Give the wraith his wring! …Ring! Wraith-ring! LiKe We Discussed!
MisbehavingMaiar: Tumblr Archive 
