“Lord Sauron, I’ve heard you’re in the habit of giving… personal rewards to those of your subjects who please you. *hastily clears throat* And for Lord Melkor, I’ve heard the greater part of Húrin’s curse was having the best seat in all Angband to hear your lovemaking.”

“That depends on the servant, and the service provided. Some who please me are rewarded only with an easy death, others with gifts of gold– and yes, some with sweeter things. Those who offer their lives and their kin’s lives in service are treated as valued soldiers. It is not unknown for me to find worthy companions amongst their number. But they must earn their place.”  ~S

“Even -I- am not so loud… Húrin witnessed only what I bade him witness, and I do not invite my enemies into bedchamber to see my unguarded moments. If he DID hear me take my pleasure, it was as a show to taunt and humiliate him– not because I allowed eavesdropping.” ~M

Melkor: It’s not fair! I deserve those Silmarils more than anyone! I should get them because I want them the most!

Tulkas: Yeah, exactly!

Melkor: Yeah! exact—what

Tulkas: That’s the best logic!

Tulkas: See this way

Tulkas: Your ass is mine

Tulkas: Because I want to kick it the most.

Melkor: ……*casually evaporates into an incorporeal, assless cloud* 

Well I heard that Sauron douses himself in honey for viewing and tasting pleasure and that Melkor secretly likes tiny cute things…

Ah, I must correct you! It is lord Melkor who enjoys eating honey raw from the comb! And as he eats hastily and with great relish… while making a great show of licking himself and moaning, it often… ah, spills over onto his… chest… and…thighs… 

I…

E-excuse me a moment. 

thebreathofarda replied to your post “Well I have heard that you [censored] and [censored] [censored]…”

The part where I put my circlet in a case and stored it away? To make your complaints known, I point you to the form T05-C; once appropriately filled, you may send it to Valimar. Maiar specifically appointed shall collect it and all the other forms.

Yeah, I remember when you put your “”“circlet”“” in its “”“”case“”“” for “”“”“”“”“”“”“SAFE KEEPING”“”“”“”“”“  STOP SIDESTEPPING MY INNUENDO AND SUCK MY TIARA YOU BREEZY PRUDE

They say my brother’s most favored object for personal stimulation is a certain portrait of mine, which he keeps hidden to maintain the illusion that he is indifferent to my grace and beauty

THAT IS AN ABSURD ALLEGATION! 

ANYONE found propagating this RIDICULOUS rumor will be CHASTENED upon the WHIPPING POST. 

….And anyone found to have been SNEAKING into my private quarters in an attempt to MALIGN ME will be found, and made very, very sorry from the top of their pretty blond head to their dainty feet. 

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