You have your armies bring the Were-worms all the way from the Last Desert, only to have them make a 10-second appearance…why? Why did you not have them eat the opposing armies? That victory would have been yours in a couple of minutes.
I DON’T KNOW, mAHTAN, MAYBE BECAUSE THEY ONLY EAT ROCKS???
BUT WHY DOES ANYTHING HAPPEN THE WAY IT DOES? WHY DID MY COMMANDERS HAVE SUPERIOR TECHNOLOGY, TACTICS, AND NUMBERS, ONLY TO BE DEFEATED BY CHILDREN WITH ROCKS??
WHY WERE THERE TROLLS AND PRE-URUK-HAI ORCS OUT IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT? WHY DID WE BOTHER BREEDING COMPLETELY USELESS GIANT BATS? WHY WERE WE CLAD IN ARMOR THAT COULD BE CUT WITH A BUTTER KNIFE?
OBVIOUSLY I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY ARMY OR ANY IDEA WHAT I AM DOING.
*flips every table in Barad-Dur, crosses arms, and sits in a corner*
….WHY DID THE DWARVES GIVE AWAY THE ONLY COAT OF MITHRIL IN EREBOR TO A HOBBIT, AND NOT ANY OF THE ROYAL FAMILY?
I understand that Aulendur xmahtan has a question for me, regarding the recent events in Dol Goldur?
a) Confirmed that 3D definitely adds to the experience b) Confirmed that elves only do fishbone braids and dwarves only do french braids
Lindsey and I are now talking headcanons about hair and braiding rituals. I’ll add here that I was confused as to why Dwarves do french braids and Elves do the fishbone, as fishbone braids are more angular and french braids are more round… Thus the french would fit into the art nouveau lines of the Elven shit and the fishbone would better suit the deco aesthetic of the Dwarves…
Then I realized it’s probably because Dwarven hair is too thick to really do a proper fishbone braid, let alone several, and that Elven hair is so fine, fishbone is probably one of the only things they can do without making a million braids all the time.
tl;dr: siuherieshr FANTASY HAIR
Reblogging my buddy Wren for IMPORTANT UPDATES ON THE BRAIDS IN MIDDLE EARTH SITUATION
[Not going to lie but it took a lot of strength of character to put this image and not just a massive one of Kili…I’ve been having some pretty strong dwarf feels over the last few days, thus this post]
So my earlier post on the similarities between Jewish and Dwarvish song as presented in The Hobbit was part of MORE THOUGHTS that I had regarding the way Dwarves presented in The Hobbit movie versus the book.
It’s no secret that Tolkien imagined the Dwarves as his Jews of Middle Earth (the article linked to that last sentence is really excellent and awesome and worth all the reads). And there’s no hiding the fact that this in the book is really, really problematic. A complete cataloguing of it is more than I have time for now, but my personal favorite?
“Dwarves are not heroes, but a calculating folk with a great idea of the value of money; some are tricky and treacherous and pretty bad lots; some are not but are decent enough people like Thorin and Company, if you don’t expect too much.”
Thanks Tolkien, I’ll keep that in mind.
(Side Note: I’d like to point out that I do not think Tolkien was an anti-Semite. There’s this letter, which I think more than makes the point. But I think that most of his work prior to the LotR triology represent rather unfortunate notions of how race works. I think he realized this, in light of the way the sort of racial classification that he proscribed to was subsequently used in Nazi rhetoric, which is why LotR, completed post-WWII, contains strong elements of interracial cooperation and showing how dwarves aren’t all that bad and can be best buds with elves after all, IMHOP).
Most complaints about The Hobbit trilogy somehow come down to the fact that Jackson has taken a relatively short children’s book, and blown it way out of proportion. That he has made a Lonely Mountain out of a Hobbit Hole, so to speak. There’s no arguing that the movies are something totally different from the book in tone, actualization, and from original authorial intent…
But what I propose is that a departure of this sort is not only okay in this instance, but maybe the only course of action. I speak specifically of the way that the Dwarves were originally written that in the shadow of the behemoth that was the LotR movies, and the way that they represent entirely different ways of imagining racial divide. LotR presented people as acting within and against the ‘traits’ of their community, showing individual of other nations as both distinct from one another and capable of cooperation. Had The Hobbit been a truly faithful adaptation, it would have seemed shallow and backwards, with values and character drawings that as connected as some people feel to them in the book, would have come off on screen as uncomfortable and stereotyping and out of touch with modernity, reality, and the rest of the Middle Earth movie canon.
Instead, the movie built on this notion that Tolkien ended on, this idea of race as a framework for group behavior, with individuals capable of acting contrary to perceived traits, to construct a striking and powerfully executed retelling of the quest for the Lonely Mountain with Dwarves that I can totally get behind and identify with.
Rather than portraying them as interchangable, as Tolkien all but does, Peter Jackson has made these dwarves distinct from one another in age, appearance, and personality. He has given them identities beyond that of their race. He gives them lines and subplots (imagine that!), and reasons to care about their fate going into the Battle of the Five Armies.
While the dwarves are still going after the Lonely Mountain with the aim of reclaiming the treasure from Smaug, the first two movies at least present the quest as not so much a factor of coming into gold (as the book does strongly) but as the reclaiming of a homeland, which has all sorts of really powerful and moving implications for the Jewish analog. The Song of the Lonely Mountain is no longer just a cute poem about their quest, but an example of memory and legend preserved powerfully in song, a prayer of sorts for the realization of the dream of home.
Quite simply, while still keeping what I would argue is a very strong Jewishness to the Dwaves of Thorin and Company, the movie rectifies the book’s unsavory undertones by instead making compelling versions of the book’s one dimmensional dwarves. They are still recognizably Tolkien’s, complete with their curses in Khuzdul and beards. Dragon sickness is still a thing, and will still quite obviously plague Thorin come There and Back Again, but by making the Dwarves more than just a foil for Bilbo’s uncontaminated goodness, and giving the Dwarves a more worthy cause to fight for, he has made the Dwarves the sort of Jews I wish I saw more often in media and Literature.
Literary anti-Semitism and negative Jewish stereotyping is as common as conjunctions (trust me, I’m an English major) and unavoidable if you want to read any major non-Jewish author from before WWII (the great exception being the George Eliot). In adapting them for the screen, the easiest course of action is to sanitize a narrative. It takes an uncommonly good screenwriter to keep the racial element intact while rectifying the mistakes of the author. The Hobbit is an example of such screenwriting.
[bold by me] This is the heart and soul of my attachment to the movies– this is what I came and stayed for, despite the unpalatable filler. This is where I felt like the adaptations were genuinely better than the books; where as a modern reader and artist we have the luxury of taking all of Tolkien’s works in perspective and using the extended lore he gave us to flesh out his earliest work.
No discussion of the Hobbit is complete without a frank handling of its anti-semitic themes (and OP’s summary of Tolkien’s evolving ideology is on point there). That’s why I flinch a little bit when people compare the books to the movie with their only criticism being that the movies weren’t exactly like the book. Because SOME of the ways they departed from the book were absolutely necessary, and even a brilliant use of the extended canon that comes from LotR, the Silmarillion, and the H.o.M.E.!
I just wish that that content– the content I actually care about very deeply– hadn’t been drowned to death in canned dialogue and hours long fight scenes that looked like they were choreographed entirely in post editing. Someone on the team obviously cared about the dwarves and was being very sensitive about their presentation, and it’s a shame that that work got rather thoroughly buried by Hollywood action movie tropes. But it wasthere, and the moments that came out of the films that expanded on Dwarven culture and personalities really made my heart and imagination soar, and for that I am grateful.
A moment of silence for all the plot points abandoned and left to die in Peter Jackson’s movies
Went to the midnight Hobbit showing with the lad! So many costumes to choose from! I went with “Balrog” over “Bauglir”.
Aaaaah, BoFA…. Like cheap American milk chocolate, 35% yummy substance, 65% waxy filler, but you can’t stop eating it. ( I did enjoy myself– feels were had! Feels of sorrow, delight, lust, orcish pride, shipping, and extreme tea-sipping side-eye at the director.)
I’m going to save my commentary for later, when more of our peeps have had a chance to see it.
I edited together the four-pages that make up the large map of Beleriand in Karen Wynn Fonstad’s The Atlas of Middle-Earth. I also added a bit of color and texture to make it feel more like a map.
This is one of the few times I will asdfghjkl; on my keyboard. I’ve been looking for a complete, one-piece Beleriand map for AGES. Fonstad’s are the best because she places locations not shown on the “official” maps.
Additionally, I always wondered why the Beleriand maps printed in the books always cut out Angband and the North. That’s like cutting out Mordor from the maps in The Lord of the Rings. I never quite understood why.
I kept going back to the stupid map in the book like “but where IS Thangorodrim??? Where is Angband, I know where all these stupid little places are…it MUST be there…” How much of my life did I waste assuming the map made sense. I dread to think.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to drag that shit ass excuse of a map from the published Silmarillion, and bless our lady of cartography, Karen Wynn Fonstad…