Certainly.
My Master exists.
Tag: Anonymous
do you ever get the urge to destroy butts more glorious than your own
…Er… that depends entirely on what you mean by “destroy”.
I’m not a jealous man. I’d count the presence of excellent posteriors besides my own a blessing! Not the basis of rivalry.
As they say, when possible and when no missing rings are involved, make love not war.
*tiny dragons returning, much later, with the boot, which is filled to the brim with lemons and covered in garlic flowers*
I…. I see.
I don’t understand,
but I see.
*picks up lemons and garlic and ponders them* At least I can give these to the kitchens. And the boot smells fresher and zestier than it ever has.
Er. Thank you, I suppose. Would you like nibbles from the forge?
*dragons all flock after the boot, grab it, and squeak excitedly as if they’ve won while zipping away*
*deepest of sighs*
Fine… FINE. They’re just boots. I can make more. Have them, you little nuisances, you win.
*dragons swarming his face now*
*manly screaming*
*tiny dragons looking very smug as they rub themselves aaaaaaaaaall over them boots*
……
Hey Melkor, what *is* the order of your shitlist of Valar? Most shitty to least shitty.
Oh, I am SO glad you asked!
Firstly– and I mean this, this is important– TOP OF THE LIST, forever and ever, is Tulukastâz. That is to say, Tulkas.
He is THE worst …I’d go so far as to say he’s the top three worst.
1) Tulkas
2) Tulkas
3) Tulkas
FOUR: Namo, and his confounded, hideous prison. I will say no more of him.
I suppose that makes my brother, Mânawenûz, number five. He thinks I betrayed him, I think he betrayed me…. It’s… complicated. I loved him most dearly in the beginning. But he did judge me and sentence me and condemned me on every occasion since… and besides that he is infuriatingly patronizing and aloof.
6) Oromë, who despised me from the first, who hunts my creatures, my children, who brays his horrible horn in the forests and made it impossible for me to leave my fortress in the early days without suffering some injury. A brute, nearly as bad as Tulkas, if far less damaging to my person. He is a menace to my offspring.
7) Varda, whose every look seethes with disdain and indifference towards me… I could not hate her more if she had openly spit in my face– Hell and Void, I’d count that a considerable improvement! Her sickle raised in the air spites me even on moonless nights.
8) Ulmo. His work is inimical to mine. I do not bear him any special hatred, but he is my most, shall we say, present enemy upon Arda, with the most persistent interference of my plans.
…The rest of my kin, I could take or leave. I admire some of their works very much, and others bore me so much I hardly remember they exist some days.
I still have something of a relationship with Irmo, whose dreams are yet open to me; one of my rare solaces in these haunted days. Nienna once spoke for me in the Mahanaxar; I have not forgotten it.
Of Aulë I can express nothing but disappointment that he and I did not agree upon more. His Maiar, on the other hand, are top notch. Hhhnhn…
-gives Melkor a gold filled cupcake-
My cup runneth over….❤
milord Melkor have you ever tried to corrupt bees so you can have Evil Honey with snacktime?
No. For several reasons:
1) Bees are perfect and incorruptible.
2) I suspect Evil Honey tastes roughly the same as Virtuous Honey.
3) Willfully malicious bees would not share their honey.
4) Evil Bees already exist, they are called wasps, and they get up to some heinous shit without my help, I mean have you met parasitoids??
*tiny dragons rolling around on his boots and getting the forge cleaner all over them*
No no no no no NO NO NO NO–
-Draws with ink a very complex fractal on the pergament right in front of Sauron-
Please. I’m not going to fall for that trick every time one of you lunatics bursts in and starts making
infinitely. infinitely replicating.
infinitely replicating patterns.
……..
but yours is just so luxuuuuuuurious -pets-
Well, I thank you for the compliment, but one typically does not begin stroking a person’s face before introducing oneself.
“Well, well, what have we here? Melkor’s favourite bedwarmer, why am I not surprised?” – for sauron (woman-of-secret-shadow)
Not surprised? By my ‘promotion’ or by my exile to this moldy island in the middle of an elvish swamp?
Don’t pretend as though you knew lord Melkor’s plans before I did, you glib little sky-rat. Like it or not, you’re stuck here just the same as me, so we may as well try to get along.
Dear Melkor, which would you rather have: a cupcake that is chocolate on the outside but gold on the inside, or a cupcake that is gold on the outside and chocolate on the inside? You can only choose one!
Choosing is for chumps! Who’s stopping me from taking both, hm?
But for hypothetical cupcakes, I’ll take gold on the inside– gooey and molten, if you’re really trying to get on my good side.
*swarm of itty dragons return to try and steal boots once more*
THOSE ARE DYED AND TOOLED OLIPHANT LEATHER–!
*sprays with lemon scented forge-cleaner*
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