@imindhowwelayinjune pleas advice on how write elf good? how i please write the elf but also good?
1) give angst elfs love angst how else do u pass the centuries
2) clothes!!! some say put them on – robes, leggins, jewels, a hat maybe with a dragon on – but i also say. have you considered taking them off? for shenanigans? and remember LaCE is more of a guidelines anyway.
3) add something weird in so we remember they’re not just fancy humans. @thelioninmybed likes twitchy prehensile ears. cannibalism, sometimes. not understanding human babies! or death. being weirdly good at scrabble.
put the ‘elf’ in ‘el[f]dritch’
4) make a joke about language. or trees. or loving trees so much you want to marry them. does lace let you marry trees? etc. remember what peter jackson forgot: elves are hilarious dweebs.
5) put in a canon reference so everyone remembers this is srs bsns. but also maybe a joke. like, someone is cleaning and is all ‘doom of the noldor more like BROOM of the noldor’ but funnier.
6) mention how pretty their hair is. THIS IS KEY everyone will leave if you don’t. also an elf doesnt count as hot if you don’t use ‘fair’ at least once. if you are struggling with this remember that black hair and grey eyes is always a safe bet.
7) if it’s noldor: CRAFTING THINGS. if you don’t know where to put them, put them in a forge. even if theyre knitting. which is a craft too. if it’s sindar: THOSE BITCHES LOVE TREES. talk about the woods and stuff like you’re jack london fucking a dryad. if it’s teleri: instead of tree marrying jokes, starfish marrying jokes. also never over the first kinslaying.
this is as many types of elf as i remember.
8) when in doubt, make them write letters to each other. what else do they have to do? they live forever good god what a chore.
happy trails, my friend
*Wesley, pen cap in teeth, scribbling notes with heretofore unknown intensity* ….dweeb… a pant…. brooms… cann…cannibalsmsm…HAIR *tripple underline*… puts the dick in…. tree….
OKAY I THINK I’VE GOT, THREE OUT OF EIGHT? Jesus god June where would I be without you. blessings, blessings on your house, your face *mwah* I am saved
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