krakenguard – MisbehavingMaiar: Tumblr Archive

[releasetheprisoners] ✧ “… If you are still making things… No… Penis tables… Please.”

“Be careful what you wish for.”

Not gonna lie, but angry horny sauron is pretty hot.

hrangry

What if you had given Five Rings to the Orcs? Optionally, which Five?

The beauty of orcs, my dear, is that they already do whatever I tell them to.

But assuming I only wished to enhance their strength and lengthen their lives, I might well have chosen thee, lieutenant. Azog and his brood were noble specimens, and I suppose that mighty brute bred in the pits of Isengard would have been a fine addition as well.

As for the fifth? Hmmm… an age ago there was a captain who served me well in on the Isle. I would have liked her company in recent campaigns, were she still living.

Alas, such notions are confined to the realm of imagination. Orcs serve me well exactly as they are: obedient, resilient, and dispensable.

Lieutenant Gothmog! Winner of Orc-of-the-Month for three consecutive terms. As reward for your estimable service, I present this Tulkas’s Knot armband.

Wear it, and you will find yourself able to carry twice what you used to, run twice as fast, see twice as far. Your aim will be impeccable and your judgement swift. What is more, the sight of you will be an inspiration to your comrades, an omen of terror to your enemies– it will grant you the gravitas of one heroic and beautiful.

Be wary, friend, that you do not let its charms make you forget who and what you really are. The glamor is only skin-deep. It cannot protect you from bodily harm, nor a broken heart.

(( @releasetheprisoners ))

‘kay, so ships…! How about… You an’ Gothmog, just to see what sort o’ reaction that’ll bring. :>

ship: ew / nonono / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / MY HEART

“The orc? Fraternizing with troops can be a liability, especially between ranks.
But if circumstances permitted… Well, I’ve heard he’s quite charming, and I won’t deny he’s been an effective strategist in the field.

His face reminds me of what my Master loved about his children; Orcish beauty lies in hardiness and asymmetry. It’s an acquired taste, but one I’ve grown fond of over time.”