Tag: submission

Accompanying this image, in a nearly illegible scrawl: 

“look…im tired. and honestly i don’t give a flying fuck about whether u keep feener’s rocks BUT! i have it on authority i make the best marshmallows this side of the sundering seas, so here’s the question, Melkor: How Many Marshmallow Until Chill?”

(this “letter” almost certainly was not intended to be sent. it may have been found crumpled amongst some loot from a recent raid or stuck to the bottom of somebody’s foot, miraculously intact. why was it written? a joke? desperation? substance abuse? who knows.)

Pictures! Oh, he loved it when there were pictures, they were so much easier to decipher than all that scribbly stuff…

Melkor pinched the rumpled parchment between two claw-tips and held it up to his enormous eye. …Something, something, marshmallows? Someone kneeling very politely in obeisance while a giant bird attacked from above? Yes, yes little face, you are right to cry! Birds are horrible. And this one was holding some kind of weapon, so it was extra dangerous. Melkor shuddered. 

A scribe arrived to dictate his reply, which was left approximately where the letter had been found, mysteriously but unmistakably addressed to the Dark Lord– in a trash heap outside of Tol Sirion, now under the command of Sauron.

“Dear Hat Slave,

You ask a very good question: Why ARE birds? We just don’t know. 

I accept your bricks, or feener-rocks, or marshmallows, whatever they are; please don’t be sad. Have you tried throwing one of the bricks at the bird? That might make it go away. 

You drew my crown very big. You are good at drawing. If you want to draw me again, I would like that. 

I do not know how many small squares you need to stack like that until they are cold. Maybe I can help you, I’m good at making cold things, like ice, which I invented. (Do you need them to be cold so that your harp does not catch fire? Is that why it is enclosed inside a fence of marshmallows? I do not understand this part of your message.) 

Please be careful around birds, you seem nice.

Fondest Regards,

The Elder King, Rightful Heir of Arda, The Mighty Arising,

~Melkor