Ainur do not need sleep, yet neither are we barred from it. The Eruhini require it to maintain energy and sanity. For us, it is merely a pleasant reprieve from the flow of time, a chance to lose ourselves in memory, dwell in Irmo’s realm to gain inspiration, clarity. (As I understand it, Irmo has never banned my Master from his realm– not even Manwë can command Irmo to close the dreaming.)
For Melkor it is different. His wounds are great. They do not heal, and they wear on him and his remaining energy. He must sleep; it is the last and only method of rejuvenation left to him.
I do not know what my Master dreams of, only that he sometimes glows golden as he did in the Beginning… it fades when he wakes. I have not told him this. It would… I do not think any good would come of it.
You may have heard that the Dark Lord never removes the iron crown, nor rests his eyes. For obvious reasons, we prefer it this way– it is a most beneficial rumor. But nay; the crown rests beside him while he sleeps, in a chamber with no doors or windows, far within the heart of Thangorodrim. Only he has the secret of its entry. The room is black, draped in silk and lined with the hides of giant beasts from the days before the sun and moon. It is more a nest than a bed chamber.
I have been there, when he allows me to stay with him. He is oft restless, and though exhausted, cannot find silence in his own mind. I do my best to comfort him.
Once upon a time (last winter during the holidays) I sat down to re-read the Silmarillion, and that night I had a dream about the origins of Sauron/Mairon the Maiar, and his time spent in the service of Aulë the Smith. I decided to work some of that dream material into a comic.
I finished the first draft of these pages a month ago, but then I decided that the pages needed to be retouched and re-lettered before I posted them all together (I was learning and making things up as I went along, and the difference in style from the beginning of the comic to the end was pretty severe).
So here, at last, are the finalized pages, hand-lettered, in all their painstaking, flawed, and glorious detail. It’s been a hell of a ride! Now all I have to do is tell the rest of the story…. *wobble*.
Enjoy!
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UpdateFeb 2014: If you look carefully you’ll notice I’ve made some edits for character continuity, typo-correction, and awful-inexcusible-messy-word-bubble surgery. I also took out the tengwar inscription on the forge because it had no business being there in the first place.
I have made it a habit not to ask futile questions of the past.
How long could I have maintained my disguise? Not indefinitely– and so whatever else I may have intended in this hypothetical future, Celebrimbor would have learned my true nature eventually.
Perhaps I would have revealed it myself. The trust between us might have grown and flourished, until my foolish heart believed it possible he might accept me as I am, all past crimes forgotten.
…Can you imagine that story having a happy ending? I cannot. Except in dreams.
Firstly, I would like to know who thou art to be demanding answers of me. Which power does my lady serve and who might her nephew be? I would remember a half-maia under my knife if I’d had one.
“He wasn’t half-maia. His cousin, my daughter was. I believe she went by the name I gave her then, Mormiriel. Her cousin was Tyelpe, my nephew.”
“Which power? My dear, I’ll keep that to myself, but as one of the boy’s last living relatives I think I have a right to as such questions, Sauron.”
“Forgive me for questioning why a mourning relative should wish to know such things. Did I enjoy torturing my apprentice, my friend of nearly 200 years? No. But it was necessary, and tactically expedient.
Your nephew fell under the wheels of machinations greater than himself, like so many poor fools before him. That is all I have to say on the matter.”
Thank goodness your father isn’t here to see how your manners have developed.
Too bad for you your own “father” always is… Watching and waiting gleefully for you to fail, as he set you up to.
Oh, my father set me up to fail? That’s rich.
I have more Silmarils in my crown still than you have brothers left, boy.
Indeed yours did, with much glee. I guess the taste for punching in the direction one perceives down runs in your family.
Too bad for you your crown and our Silmarilli shall abandon you as soon as your luck runs out. My family stuck together to the end. Then again: for you brothers are a sour spot, I guess. Let’s not start with the wrong foot. You should know the dangers of it. Those of your brothers you do not wish to humiliate or bed end up humiliating and beating you… Ops.. That is all of them, even those you wish to humiliate and bed.
Pity.
Again, this is all so very rich coming from the kin-fucking king in a line of great kin-fuckers.
You may notice, blind to subtlety though you are, that I’ve made my own family, and we’ve held together splendidly since the Utumno days…
Whether or not my “luck” runs out, you’ve lost all capacity to take advantage of the opportunity. Your family is dead and will never see Valinor again, your mission to destroy me failed, and your oath will join Fëanor’s ashes in the wind.
You played all your cards at the Dagor Nírnaeth and you didn’t even make it past the foyer. You are toothless, kinless, handless; I have nothing to fear from you now.
..But yes, clever, that comment about my foot. I gained a limp while you lost an uncle, ~ooh~, what a smarting blow.
I lost an uncle, true enough, but gained a new hope in a cousin. You lost a foot, and part of your face, and your pride.. Or what is left of it. I guess it is pretty much like an overused rug, by now. You know, after all that bending and grovelling.
As for what I might have lost: my dignity is not among the losses, which puts me several steps ahead of you, which, I understand, you might not understand, given your… complex relationship with it. I shall keep my oath and I shall honour my father’s legacy. Unlike your own “family”, which is made of people who will and would turn your back on you and mindless thralls.
As for “opportunities” I fear you are thinking like a vulture. I am not. I shall see you defeated and know I fought against you, held you thrall for more than four hundred turns of Vàsa, and that is what keeps my head high.
I am under the impression that Throndor’s talons and that pathetic crown made with the work of one so much mightier than you to make you taste the wood of his door, might have impaired your ability to do the same.
I do not blame you, though. I think shame and charred flesh suits you.
Nice try, Lefty, but that cousin is also dead; my beloved Gothmog saw to that, just as he saw to your father.
You see, this is the difference between us, Fëanorian: you count your victories in “dignity”, while I count them in materialgains. You have your pride, and I have all of Beleriand, my Silmarils, my freedom, and the decimated line of Finwë and the Two Trees on the roster of my defeated foes.
I find that entirely acceptable.
A pity that you cannot wield shame against me, for without it, you have nothing else to strike with. Your arsenal and your threats are empty. Remember, I’ve seen you in chains too, my darling. I may have worn mine for four Ages, but you cannot say I didn’t make those who put me in them pay for every moment. And unlike your grandmother and the rest of your kin, I came out of Mandos.
And yes, I tasted the wood of Fëanor’s door. And other things of his as well. He too liked the sight of me on my knees.
Do you want to hear about it? I bet he never told you those stories, speaking of shame.
After all these eons, are you finally considering it? With your help, I’d stand a chance at crossing into the West myself, and from there, we could storm the Gates of Night and free my Master at last! He’d make you king of all waters in Ulmo’s stead; he’d build up mountains whose only purpose would be to amuse you in their drowning! His gratitude would be fathomless!
And as for you and I…. Just imagine what would become of the armies that tried to stop us, crushed between the hammer of Mordor and the anvil of the Sea.
Then when all wars are won, won’t it be fun to go exploring together? If there were no ban on my entering the ocean, why, I could finally visit your kingdom! I wonder what is left of the wreck of Beleriand… I’ve heard there are volcanoes erupting on the ocean floor– underwater! More than half the world’s wonders are hidden from me, Ossë! My heart is bursting with curiosity!
And you– where would you go? I could show you the crystal caverns, filled with superheated water, where giant quartz pillars have been growing untouched since the making of Arda. Or the volcanic springs! Or the rainbowed geysers on the Plains of Gorgoroth! Or the ice fields of Forochel!
….Great Hells, I’m getting ahead of myself. Please, Cousin! Tell me that you’re just as thrilled by the possibilities as I am, or I’ll feel quite the fool.
Anadûnê was a star of five points. She had seen it drawn out upon a map; and she had seen it, too, through the eyes of a great seabird wheeling high above, wings spread to the thermals. It was a star of five points, and so a star of five points – not eight, never eight – was embroidered upon its banners, engraved upon its fine, high doors.
In the center of the isle, or near enough, there was a mountain, the Pillar of Heaven, Minul-Târik. It, too, was a star of five points when seen from above, five long ridges of stone spreading out from the central base. It was said there was an altar at the top, a degenerate thing dedicated to the gods of the Nimîr, but she had never seen it and expected she never would.
Her ship had landed at Rómenna. The passage had been long, and distinctly unenjoyable; the sea smelled to her heavy and decaying, nothing like the clean, dry winds of her homeland. The salt reek of the waves had sickened her, or their ceaseless, grey and white movement had; and she had curled miserably below decks and longed for the umber and gold of the great Dune Sea upon whose verge her city had rested, longed for the cool blue shadows of evening and the hot, sharp vibrancy of day.
They had looked at her strangely in Rómenna, jabbering to each other in the Adûnâyê which was and was not like the Adûnâyê she knew; the rhythms had been strange, the words. The vowels had seemed longer, the consonants clipped off as though bitten between sharp teeth. She had not understood them, but she had understood enough. They looked at her, at her clothing and her hair and her skin, and knew her for foreign. She had never felt so alone as she had upon that reeking dock, nor so stripped down naked and vulnerable.
Upon her arrival at last in Armenelos, however, she had quite quickly learned how much more alone and vulnerable a woman might be. Her betrothed husband Tarannon Bâr n’Sakal, a man of noble birth and of many victories in the conquests of Umbar, had looked at her as a man might have inspected a mare for his stables. Not once had he looked at her with any softer expression, through all the long and all but incomprehensible ceremony which was their marriage, through all the long and all but unbearable night which followed it, nor in all the long and interchangeable days since then.
There were gardens at her husband’s house in Armenelos, though they were not like the gardens she knew. She walked in them, all the same. There were birds in the gardens, tiny red ones called kiriniki which were much beloved by the men and women here. Raucous white gulls wheeled always overhead, and larger birds, ospreys and sea eagles with far-reaching eyes which she loved to borrow and pretend she was as free as they. She missed the britti of her homeland, the muted brown bird sometimes called a desert lark. She missed the little pink pimchee flowers. She missed the long-legged desert cats, and the black crows breasted in white. She missed air which was not wet; and she missed good sweet mint tea.
She missed eyes which did not look at her and see only strangeness. She missed the sound of voices speaking like her own.
She wore black, in this new land, and jewelry of silver set with amber and nacre from her homeland. She wore her hair in tight braids, pulled back and away from the bones of her face, and she wore a head-covering of thin silk held in place by silver combs. She would not ape their foolish garb with its stays and bindings and its brightness; and she would not be a pretty, all but silent kiriniki. She was britti, she was a long-legged desert cat. She had been Tamar Margoliantë; in this new land she renamed herself Béruthiel.
There was only one here who was of her lands and might understand; but he was so far above her as to be unreachable. He might just as well have been across the sea in the east, for all she could speak to him. Or all she could even try. The Zigûr, the wizard he was called. She had known him – known of him, by other names. Giver of Gifts was one. Eye of the Sun, another. Her mother had told her the stories; but the great Lord in his fiery manse in Mordor had fallen before Béruthiel-who-had-been Tamar had been born.
She walked in the gardens at the palace of Ar-Pharazôn, her husband having been called to a council. It was a great honor, she was cognizant of it; and knew further she had been brought only as an ornament to his power. So too had he brought his horse, a proud-necked Umbarim stallion the color of beaten gold. So too had he brought his slaves. Or his other slaves, the ones who wore their collars and chains more openly.
But she had not been invited to the council, of course, but been left to her own devices once her purpose had been served; and, left to them, she had found the gardens. With half her mind soaring above on the wings of a sea-eagle, she could walk their twisting pathways, graveled in pale stone, and forget. For a little while.
Only once since the beginning of the world had he crossed the sea.
They had taken him on foot across the desert, chained between two horses like a slave, down the Harad Road and across the Harnen, passing through kingdoms and villages where he had been worshiped as an avatar of god, the Eye of the Sun. Never once did he stumble or tire. When the king’s men left him unattended in the panic before a sudden sandstorm, he had weathered it alone, eyes shining in the false red night and shrieking winds, as if he belonged there.
But the sea had broken him; though he saw little of it, chained in the hull of a galley, where he sweated and lay limp in his bonds, shivering and panting with fever as they pulled farther from the shore. The waves around the fleet were fierce and belligerent, as if they knew, and hated, the cargo born to Anadûne, the Gifted Land.
The sickness left him only when they reached port; and though the dust of a hundred miles lay grey on his caracal skin, he walked proudly as they paraded him through the streets of Armenelos, by far the greatest prize won in Ar-Pharazon’s conquest of the East. He’d not flinched at the stones hurled, the jeering left him unfazed. And when called upon him to perform tricks for the pleasure of the crowds, he changed shape obligingly, and as a great lion had lain at Pharazon’s feet; the tame sorcerer, the warlord humbled. The King had bidden him then to sing for the pleasure of his Queen, Tar-Miriel, who looked on him ever with distrust, and loathing, and did not meet his gaze. He had done so, though she closed her eyes in discomfort, his voice as deep and rolling as the heart of a mountain, as finely tuned as it been in the Beginning. From thence he had been called often to sing for the court’s amusement, and amaze them with secret knowledge of the world and his craft. He’d been made cup-bearer, canny of all poisons and plots long before they reached the throne and having their trust at last, he’d told them still of other things.
“…Out of the Darkness was the world made, and Darkness alone is worshipful, being the womb of creation where the spark of life was nurtured. Only one has dwelt in and gained mastery of the Dark, and in it that Lord may yet make other worlds to be gifts to those that serve him, and so increase their power without end.’
Who is the Lord of the Darkness?’ the King had asked– and still bound in chains of gold, Sauron had told him: “It is he whose name is not now spoken; for the Valar have deceived you concerning him. They have put forward the name of Eru as the true god, the One all-knowing; but that is a phantom devised in the folly of their hearts, with which they seek to enchain Men in servitude. For the Valar claim that they alone are the oracle of this Eru, whose words bind them with false dichotomies and condones their continued tyranny over earth. But he that is the world’s true master shall yet prevail, and he will deliver you from this phantom: his name is Melkor. Lord of All, Giver of Freedom. And he shall make you stronger than they.”
From slave to entertainer, from minstrel to cup-bearer, from cup-bearer to royal advisor he’d climbed, all in a handful of decades. The rites of the faith he’d invented from whole cloth he taught to the king, and besotted, Ar-Pharazon had bid him teach it to the masses of Anadûne. So it was he’d become a figure nigh equal in power to the crown: Zîgur, they called him, the right hand of Ar-Pharazon, high priest of the Temple of Freedom.
And this was good; he’d gained much more and in a shorter time than he’d dared hope at the onset of his ruse. Willing captivity had brought him close to the heart of the West, the perfect launching point for his chief mission.
He’d done it single-handedly, at half his power, with only his wits and the vulnerability of Men to aid him. Now he found himself once more at the center of a delicate web of deceit, royal favor, distrust, and manipulations, of subtle surrenders and plays for power, as he wound the threads ever tighter about the necks of his former captors.
Oh, politics was a clever game, a potent game, and he was terribly good at it now. He thrilled at the dangers and the complexity of its rules, and he played against opponents whose very existence opened a boiling, dark chasm in his heart– casting each and every one of the Edain into it would bring him the keenest, most hideous pleasure.
But he had not accounted for the long silences between games, both impossibly fast, at the breakneck pace of humanity, and a crawl of mundane hours. He was without allies, surrounded by a vastness of water that was a surer prison for him than any iron cell– and every day he spoke the name of his Beloved as though he were a present god, who might at a whim reach down and answer the prayers of his supplicants. But Melkor was not looking down on him from above, and he would not reach out a hand from the Void to touch his servant, except in the dreams he both cherished and feared. His likeness loomed shining at the heart of his Temple, but the gold of his skin was only metal.
It was well that plots and machinations were all about him, for the silence that fell while he was alone was unbearable. The echo of the sea could be heard even inland, reminding him that if he did not succeed in going forward, he would wither here alone.
That silence dogged him in the sultry hours after noon, as the duties of his station came to a pause. He’d been half the day at the King’s side speaking of matters of loyalty and surveillance, pulling up the treacherous weeds of Faithful dissent from the ranks, gathering the trustworthy close to the throne, and carefully gardening around the Queen’s untouchable kin and her appointed public servants, so that they had no real power within the law. The waiting lords would now have their hour with King, receiving benefits or councils according to their due– matters beneath the Zîgur. Now there stood a drift of time before the evening services, when fires would be lit, and fingers pricked, and the drops of ceremonial blood offered up to the Giver of Freedom in smoke. He had nothing to occupy him until then.
As he swept down the hall from the council chamber, a pavilion of the royal gardens beckoned to him enticingly with its quiet sounds and reprieve from the grasping ambitions of Men. To the east, the balcony faced the great temple tower and its shining dome, and westwardly it overlooked the river valley flowing down from the Pillar of Heaven. His feet took him along the white path through the walls of flowers; lilies and orchids, musk and tea roses, poppies and waxflower, myrtle, mint, euphorbia, and sea lavender as purple than the heavy robes he wore draped over one shoulder. There were flowers here he’d not seen since his stay in Umbar, on the golden banks of a brown river, brimming with life.
Quietly, almost unawares, he found a song pouring from his lips, slow and sweet as dripping honey. It was a song about the joy of rain in the desert, the replenishing life it brought, the serenity of the open sky; a nomad’s song, from the sailors of the Dune Sea beyond hills of the coast of Umbar.
He’d come to the final stanza when he realized he was not alone in the garden– there was a woman here, whose presence had been drifting high above, where he’d mistaken it for an eagle. She was tall and darker than many in the capital city; straight-backed, though there was something almost timid in her demeanor, shy and quiet as a wild cat.
Sauron blinked his slit-eyes slowly, and gave a slight bow. “Forgive me, my lady. I did not mean to disturb your solitude– I thought myself alone.”
Pardon the delay, I’ve not had the time to indulge your oddly specific and somewhat revealing request. But I’d be remiss to deny such an avid student of anatomy! Science marches on:
But these are a near perfect system; the light they emit is replenished by even minute sources, and it stays trapped within many magnitudes of refraction, depleting with exquisite slowness and revealing light from a time now eons past… And it is more than light, but also the Song from which it originated that is trapped as if in amber, preserved from elder times.
They are a salve for decline itself.
Even as the sun meets its eventual suffocating death at the hands of the Void, even as Arda crumbles– if the Silmarils are left untampered with, they will be the last living light in the universe.
That is their miracle, and why they are sought so desperately all– including my kin, who, having lost their own art of making Light, feel they are necessary for the rebirth of the world.
Not quite sure what you mean by that last point, but in my mind the other stars that appear in the sky after the world is “globed” are indeed other suns and planetary systems, just as they are in our own world. Whenever you hear the muses talking about “more stars than in Varda’s heaven”, they’re talking about worlds outside that the Valar had no part in making. They represent the gradual movement of Arda from being a divinely authored world to a natural one without custodians– the kind Melkor insists* Arda should have been, free of divine influence.
They also kind of abstractly represent my theory that Arda was both a seed and an experiment, to see how sentient life behaves with and without intervention, and the first introduction of matter into the Void. Melkor, in the greater scheme of things, is a reactive agent, added intentionally to make the yeast rise, as it were. He doesn’t get a choice in the matter, and he knows this, and resents it, because being the agent of change and entropy makes you very unpopular, even when you’re right about stuff. He will always be part of the Theme, even when he rebels against it, because rebelling against the Theme is part of the Theme, and boy does he just hate that.
The eventual Remaking of Arda and the Second Theme will be the version of creation that combines all the lessons learned and matter repurposed from the first version, fully bringing Arda into the universe we recognize as our own. ……And it’s also a great playground for Human!AU Ainur and redemption arcs, where all the Valar and Maiar are given a chance to learn from their various mistakes and gradually atone as part of humanity– which hot diggity, I am all about.
*(This is all Wesley!verse stuff– my Melkor is firmly an anti-theist and anarchist, rather than an atheist nihilist, as Tolkien describes him. I personally don’t think that canon makes sense, as Melkor is one of the privileged beings who has seen and met god, and therefore KNOWS there is one. He just doesn’t LIKE him, and claims his influence is no longer present on the earth. I’ve always seen Melkor as an agent of chaos rather than one of domination, however much the Silmarillion claims he wants to rule Arda. I certainly think he wants to be free to do whatever he wants on Arda without interference from higher powers or armies of elves, but his actions in the First Age aren’t organized the way Sauron’s are in the Third.
Sauron, I believe, started out trying to achieve Melkor’s ideals of a free Arda in his absence, but being who he is, he gradually slips more and more into authoritarianism and control. In my verse he even admits that Melkor would find it distasteful and ironic that he was being worshiped as the Giver of Freedom, when in reality what he espoused was more of a do as thou wilt style satanism. He’s not exactly benevolent or insightful enough to be a humanist… he’s not human and he doesn’t think very much about humans, but he’s definitely secular, and a whole religion based around him would make him pretty indignant. Unless he got foot rubs and sacrificial offerings out of it. XD)