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greenekangaroo:

montyphythonfan:

misbehavingmaiar:

montyphythonfan:

greenekangaroo:

croclock:

legendarium-enthusiast:

Gondorian Helmets

i think i saw fountain guard during the carnival

I like to imagine that all of these helmets have the wings and that only when the person wearing it is surprised do they pop out to their full glorious span.

I’m afraid you are wrong. The wings pop out when a guard is courting another guard! It’s their courting ritual.

Are you impressed, Citadel Captain? I have strutted back and forth before thee thrice, flapping each wing alternately and also puffing up my impressive throat poach, to better indicate my virility. I have also brought thee these pebbles, which are most shiny. Perhaps you would like to hear a song about my boner? *suggestive warbling* 

Guard Guidelines:

1. It is absolutely forbidden to nest on the white tree. All transgressor will be severely punished.
2. No songs about your amorous proclivities while on duty.
3. No singing on duty in general. You may find it odd, but it kind of ruins our reputation of fierce warriors.
4. Bragging about your pebbles while on duty is not only rude but also strictly forbidden.
5. If you want to seduce another guard, please be discreet about it and do it in your off-duty time.
6. Having wings attached to your helm doesn’t mean you can fly and we are not looking forward to cleaning your remains from the roofs of lower levels.
7. Suddenly popping your wings out in public is tasteless, embarrassing and frowned upon.
8. Lord Faramir is a married man and Lady Eowyn is famous for two things: her prowess in battle and her disgusting pigeon stew. We warned you.
9. Moreover Beregond didn’t hesitate to kill two guards in order to protect his Lord once, and the fact he should be exiled from Minas Tirith doesn’t mean he won’t get you.
10. Queen Arwen is a married woman elf Lady, moreover the fact King Elessar doesn’t go around showing his wings doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them, it is just testament to his his politeness.
11. Yes, Rohirrim tend to freak out when you pop your wings, therefore it will neither help you seducing one of them nor it will be funny to do so in their presence.
12. Having been appointed Fountain Guard in no excuse for constantly showing your wingspan to the whole city.

Internet, today you have made me proud.