“You will be gentle with me”
His lashes lower as he nods. “Yes.”
“I will not be gentle with you.”
“No.” He agrees.
“Lay down.“
You are so much smaller than he is; your body grew lean and hard with duress, while his curves outward with strength; a luxurious excess of size and power. It overwhelms you like a forbidden feast set before a starving man. Your eyes are level with his collar bone, but still, he does your bidding without a word (his breath did halt— your heard it— he is surprised by your tone, not displeased).
You, in your dream, are driven by the inertia of denial. The less you examine what you are doing, the more you feel capable of anything. Impossibilities dissolve, taboos evaporate, morals avert their gaze for the duration of your sleeping trespasses. The less you examine, the easier it becomes. You climb astride him, lifting your battered legs, taut from riding and long marches, placing a knee on either side of his hips. From here you feel less overwhelmed. From here you can feel his heat, the rise of his broad brown chest, look down at his curious rapture and know that he is waiting for your next move.
You could strangle him. You could slap him hard across the plane of his leonine face. You could reach for your knife that you know is hidden beneath the mattress, and a viper would be less quick. You have done all these things before, and in the waking world, you would do them again. But now you rock backwards and listen to his long helpless groan; you let yourself be folded in, a warm palm on your back and one in your hair, and kissed (gently, because he promised— though there is tension in the jaw, an impatience that belies hunger in the stroke of his tongue, the frequency with which he presses his mouth to yours, the grip he has on the sides of your skull).
The dream is merciful in its lack of clarity; the sensations are vivid but the context is vague. You know it is him, but you are less sure that you are you. And since time is fluid here, your experience of a kiss flows seamlessly into perfect knowledge of what his lips feel like between your thighs.
You tell him to beg you for what he wants, and oh— he does. Those are delicious words in his voice… rumbling, soft and deep and desperate, pleading with you for mercy. You smile so wide it hurts, white teeth to the sky. Your mercy never felt so violent. You want his mouth around you because he wants it so, so badly, and because he is at your feet like a humbled mountain; because you ache for it, because he is shameless, and eager, and you know he will be perfect, that his tongue will curl like wet velvet around you and as you watch, his eyes will close with bliss and he will bury you in his throat until your fingers claw his hair for purchase.
He wants so much to please you, to hear ecstasy in your voice when you wail— but you don’t know why. You see it in his eyes how much he wants this, with longing equal to the insatiable cruelty you’ve become accustomed to.
It is because this is a dream, you think, that pleasure and forgetfulness seem to heal you; allow you both to come together as if all that mattered was how well you fit together.
You bite him and kiss him and ride him and he sinks into you slow, so slow! (he did promise…) He hardly moves and you feel as though you’re bursting; perched on the edge of overflow, but he is so gentle… why did you have him promise to be so gentle? The sounds he makes leave you panting, and still— his teeth scrape your throat, and still— his back rigid as the curve of a bow above you, bending in rhythm— and still— he calls for you, and just a feather’s touch will end you now and all you can say is his name— over and over—
You wake with it still on your lips.
(( please forgive my sins of OoC and also probably grammar and purple prose because it is five in the morning and my brain held me hostage until I wrote this I AM SO SO SoRRY *leaps into the garbage* ))