i feel blessed
Month: May 2016
Do the Noldor have their own Kamasutra? Did Rumil work on it? Did Fëanor?
The Noldor are so fond of words that I suppose they do have names for sexual positions.
What are these names?
I need to know.
Curufin: *reads some of his father’s old papers about some secret lores*
Curufin: *turns pale*
Curufin: Father… What is that?
Fëanor: This, son, explains how one can keep their spouse satisfied.
Fëanor: There also is a few advices for those who intent to bring forth strong children.
Fëanor: Your mother approved.
Curufin: I…. think I need to throw up.
A few years later, during Curufin’s wedding night.
Curufin, very seriously: Alright, darling, I read everything my father wrote on the matter. There should not be any problem, and if I follow the instructions, you should enjoy it a lot. Let’s do it.
Curufin: *looks at naked wife*
Curufin: *is aroused*
Curufin: *looks at his erection*
Curufin: Wow.
“If I’d known my silly headcanon post was going to get more than 10 notes I would’ve written it with slightly less silliness” – a story by me and the rest of Tumblr
lucifers-cuvette
replied to your post “Celebrimbor: So, Annatar, what’s Valinor like these days? Changed…”
Whut?
This is the part where you can solemnly raise your hand and say “My Annatar/Aulendil does not and never has claimed to be a Vanya elf, lore and fanon be damned”, and continue to ignore my 5-a.m. shitposting. XD
Celebrimbor: So, Annatar, what’s Valinor like these days? Changed much?
Annatar:
I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEAIt is……. too painful…. for me to recall.Celebrimbor: What’d you do during the war?
Annatar: Fought! The bad guys!
Annatar: Under captain….. Blond…erson. Vanya McBlonderson.
Celebrimbor: Sounds legit
Celebrimbor: Say something in Vanyarin!
Annatar: Tragically, I was raised by bears
Celebrimbor: Aw. Well, do you have any Vanya friends you can name?
Annatar: Just bears.
Celebrimbor: Is it really true that all Vanyar can bench-press Tulkas and have dicks a mile long?
Annatar: *hand on shoulder* not only is it true i can personally vouch that some Vanya dicks are TWO miles long
MisbehavingMaiar: Tumblr Archive 