Cursed Book Onion Headlines

kareenvorbarra:

General

  • Family Watching Movie White-Knuckles It Through Unexpected Sex Scene

Hurin

  • No One Really Knows What Dad Was Doing From 1985 To 1988
  • I Was Skeptical At First, But It Turns Out Those 20 Years Of Solitary Confinement Were Exactly What I Needed
  • Your Kids: Are They Sexy Enough?
  • When I Die, I’m Going To Haunt The Fuck Out Of You People

Huor

  • Man On Gurney Has Brief Word With Protagonist Before Entering Ambulance

Morwen

  • Area Woman’s Safety Net Braces For Another Impact
  • How To Talk To Your Child About Death

Aerin

  • Area Woman Not Listened To Again

Turin

  • Take-Charge, Can-Do Guy Makes Terrible Decisions
  • Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Still Had

Nienor

  • Hotshot Test Pilot Removes Helmet, Reveals Female Status
  • Looking Back On My Life, I Guess My Biggest Regret Is Trying To Fight That Alligator 5 Minutes Ago
  • Report: Just So You Know, Your Younger Sister Probably Getting Laid Pretty Regularly These Days

Brandir

  • Cousins Meaner This Year

Tuor

  • Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy
  • Teens Going Through Anti-Government Guerrilla Phase

one ( name / alias ): Wesley 
two ( birthday ): August 25th
three ( zodiac sign ): I think I’m a Leo/Virgo cusp? 
four ( height ): 5ft somethin’ somethin’

five ( hobbies ): Arting, Writing, reading comics, jpg collecting… idk i’d like to get more into gardening and cooking? Oh, how I long for a real yard and a stove with more than one working burner… 

six ( favourite colour(s) ): verdigris, copper, hunter green, wine red, grey, orange, teal, amber

seven ( favourite books ): Assuming that Tolkien is a given, let’s go wiiiiithhhh… my anthologies of British Victorian Literature and Romantic Poetry that have been loved and dogeared half to death since college; likewise my Byron and Rilke collections; The Epic of Gilgamesh, Norse Myths, Ovid’s Metamorphoses, Beowulf, The Iliad/Odyssey/Aenied (I’ve never met an epic poem I didn’t like); the Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám… Dinotopia,  Anansi Boys…. I’m just reading off the nearest bookshelf tbh I’ve never known how to answer this question i read a lot of things that aren’t BOOK books 

eight ( last song listened to: ): I think it was Bläck by Garmarna?

nine ( last film watched ): Not a film per se, but Ash and I have been watching Ancient Magus Bride and ooooh my godddddd it’s so goooooood ;A;

ten ( inspiration for muse ):  I feel like I could write a literal fucking thesis paper on this question lmao IDK MAN;;; BIG ARMS, GOOD, BEARD, YES. NO HAMMER RING ON ANVIL. SMOL IMPS WITH BIG TEETH, BURN LIKE TRASH FIRE, MMMM TASTY MYTH TROPES, NEED MORE CHEST HAIR?? LORGE BOY, SOFT NONBINARY GREMLIN,, make them kiss

eleven ( dream job ): at this point, my dream IS a job 

twelve ( meaning behind your url ): far back in the deeps of time, I didn’t know this was going to be a roleplay blog or anything more than a depository for my tolkien shitposts, so i just named it something vaguely thematic and alliterative and I haven’t changed it since BECAUSE BRANDING >__>

TAGGED BY: @feralandfair Speil u3u ❤
TAGGING: @thulimo​  @moringottos​ @ @madtomedgar  Y U NO TAG??  @nonillions@sirensofmisery@nelyafinwe@youngman-willow@thelioninmybed

youngman-willow:

misbehavingmaiar:

Alternate Orpheus Ending for First Age Maglor:

Maglor throws the Silmaril into the sea, and the Oarni catch it. Having their attention, he kneels and carefully arranges himself to sing, his fingers burnt, his knees in the surf as he plays the Noldolantë, so harshly and full of grief that the spirits who hear him must cover their ears. Thrashing the water, they wail in pain and fury–“swan-killer, sail-bloodier, ship-burner”, they hiss as he finishes his terrible lament, and he offers no resistance when they tear into him like sharks in frenzy, and drag him into the sea. He does not flinch, he does not even cry out. When Beleriand’s rivers run backwards with mud and seawater, it will be said his floating head and lyre continue to sing their wild elegies until the continent itself sinks beneath the waves. 

I wanna illustrate this so bad now…

oh my god I would…. cry and scream and rend myself in bacchanal ecstasy if you did 

i-gwarth:

Ok but does anyone know what happened to Morgoth’s feet?

Like did they just leave them there? Did they take them with, in order to, as it were, give Manwe the complete package?

I have this notion, however irreverent, that they might contain some powerful magic. Like, to me, the “Dried Left Big Toe of Morgoth” sounds like something any self-respecting Haradrim diabolist might be interested in.

I have my own theories/headcanons, but now i’m just supremely invested in this Haradrim diabolist 

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