Cursed Book Onion Headlines

kareenvorbarra:

General

  • Family Watching Movie White-Knuckles It Through Unexpected Sex Scene

Hurin

  • No One Really Knows What Dad Was Doing From 1985 To 1988
  • I Was Skeptical At First, But It Turns Out Those 20 Years Of Solitary Confinement Were Exactly What I Needed
  • Your Kids: Are They Sexy Enough?
  • When I Die, I’m Going To Haunt The Fuck Out Of You People

Huor

  • Man On Gurney Has Brief Word With Protagonist Before Entering Ambulance

Morwen

  • Area Woman’s Safety Net Braces For Another Impact
  • How To Talk To Your Child About Death

Aerin

  • Area Woman Not Listened To Again

Turin

  • Take-Charge, Can-Do Guy Makes Terrible Decisions
  • Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Still Had

Nienor

  • Hotshot Test Pilot Removes Helmet, Reveals Female Status
  • Looking Back On My Life, I Guess My Biggest Regret Is Trying To Fight That Alligator 5 Minutes Ago
  • Report: Just So You Know, Your Younger Sister Probably Getting Laid Pretty Regularly These Days

Brandir

  • Cousins Meaner This Year

Tuor

  • Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy
  • Teens Going Through Anti-Government Guerrilla Phase
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